The Apocalypse… The introvert in me has always been fascinated by surviving the end of the world. It’s kind of romantic if you ask me, roaming the earth with the love of my life and a pack of dogs, wandering between small start-up societies, living in and from nature. So since long before “the walking dead” I’ve been coming up with survival strategies, back-up plans and thanks to books like “Max Brooks’ Zombie Survival Guide”, I even have back-up plans for the back-up plans.
With what’s been happening in the last few months, I can’t help but feel that the end is nigh. After huge fires on one side of the world, floods on the other side and destructive storms in between, corona virus is now terrorizing society as we know it. Could this be the end of the human race? Let me share some tips to help you survive the corona apocalypse (@ work).
1. Stay away from refined sugar and the coffee machine
With a virus proclaiming the unavoidable end, it’s important to stay healthy if you want to make it to the post-apocalypse era. Start with boosting your immune system. Watch what you eat, you can’t go wrong with fresh fruits and vegetables, the more the better. Stay away from refined sugar, additives, preservatives, non-foods and alcohol and caffeine. These products break down your natural defenses. At work, this means that you’ll need to stay away from the coffee machine and raid the office fruit basket instead (but don’t forget to wash your apples and your hands before consumption). If you go shopping, take the time to read the labels, know that there are more than 100 different names for sugar. Look up ingredients you don’t know. You’ll have plenty of time to eat garbage after society has crumbled.
2. Cherish your refillable glass bottle
Stay hydrated, drink plenty of water. Remember there’s a virus going around, so avoid drinking directly from a drinking fountain. Always carry a refillable glass bottle with you. Keep watching the news. When the government falls, utilities will follow. Make sure to fill as many as possible pots and bottles, or even to fill your bath tub with fresh water, before the tap water stops running.
3. Breathe your stress away
Keep calm and don’t forget to breathe, you can go weeks without food, days without water but only a few minutes without air. Stress also has a huge negative impact on your immune system. Daily breathing exercises can help keep your stress levels low and your senses vigilant. Remember, fear is a very bad advisor.
4. Start to do cardio and stay away from crowds
Don’t lock yourself up inside. It’s important to keep moving and get some sunlight! So limber up and start to do cardio. Even if zombies won’t be chasing you, who knows how many kilometers a day you will have to do when you embrace the nomad life. So buy yourself two pairs of sturdy walking shoes – yes, two pairs, your feet will be grateful – and invest in some decent socks. Grease that chain on your bike and pump up those tires. Did you know an all-terrain bike is the most efficient way of transport in a world in decay? Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Which takes me to my next point: Stay away from crowds! Avoid public transportation, stay away from big cities, don’t go stand in line with the hoarders in the supermarket, there will be plenty of toilet paper left when all those people get sick.
5. Cough or clear your throat every 15 minutes and give a pale expression
Now that we got the basics down, time for the next step. Taking control over your own life is one thing, but what about all those virus spreading people around you who haven’t read this article? You’ll need to keep them at a distance. Immerse yourself in studies about body language. It will help you predict the next step of the person in front of you. Of course, prevention is always better. While you’re keeping your mind clear, you can turn the public hysteria to your advantage.
If you can’t avoid public spaces, or you work in an open office, try to look tired, give confused looks, walk around like you have no energy and cough or clear your throat every 15 minutes. If you have some die hard clingy colleagues, you can powder your face to create a pale expression.
Cancel your meetings and change them to online hangouts. If those options are a no go, say you need to go to the bathroom when you’re 10 min in and don’t come back until 10 min before the meeting ends. You can blame it on all those apples you ate. Make sure to scout your environment and know where the exits are, because if all else fails, you should just run.
6. Travel light
Between preparations, training and dodging people at work, make sure you get enough sleep. Viruses can spread pretty fast. And you never know for how long you can keep your home base safe. It’s better to be well rested when the time comes to pack up and go.
But what should you pack? It’s important to pack light. And because you don’t want to start collecting your gear last minute, it is advised to get yourself a quality hiking backpack now and put it in an easy-to-grab-place, fitted and ready to go with the following items:
- Your second pair of hiking boots (already broken in)
- Extra pairs of socks and underwear
- Extra set of clothes (think practical not fashionable)
- Water bottle
- Water-purification tablets
- Map and compass
- Small flashlight
- Rechargeable batteries + portable solar panel for recharging
- Poncho and bandana
- Sleeping bag or bedroll
- Small signaling mirror
- Sunglasses
- Small first aid kit
- Swiss army knife
- Hunting knife
- Hygiene kit
- Binoculars
- Signal flares
- Weapon for self defense
- Rations for a couple of days
If you’re planning to travel in a group, you can divide some of the items and share the load. This will give you more room for extra rations, a bigger first aid kit, a crowbar, a ham radio and/or walkie talkies and maybe even a water-purification pump. To get used to the weight and feel of your backpack, take it with you on hikes and runs during your training.
If you are traveling with office dogs, look for a doggie backpack and make sure your dog is used to carrying it around. Be careful not to overload, you want your loyal friend to be able to help defend you when needed.
7. Only the strong survive
Fast forward to the future. Society is no more, governments have fallen, chaos and anarchy rule the world. 99% of the population died in their toilet paper fort, but you survived! You have a rock hard body from al the training and you are well rested. You’ve read and memorized all the survival guides, do it yourself and how to grow your own food books you could find. And now what?
Time to build a new and better world, of course! Get your backpack, your companions, your dog, jump on your bike and get going. Establish a destination: where do you want to build your new business with your tribe? If you start to wander around aimlessly, you’ll never know where you’ll end up. Help other survivors along the way and get that happy workplace going.
*Disclaimer
Don’t worry! Tryangle is full of optimism and still believes in a time-after-corona! We feel that humor is an important element in times of crisis. Something to keep us going. Don’t take everything too seriously… except for the health-tips! Those are dead-serious.
